


nargles somewhere in the garden

by themiddleofmars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Good Narcissa Black Malfoy, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Minor Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption, this mother daughter relationship is basically the main plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:04:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themiddleofmars/pseuds/themiddleofmars
Summary: Narcissa Malfoy lived a lonely life after the war, by herself in the Manor. Her son spent his summer with Harry Potter, while her husband ran away to the coast.That is, until she met Luna Lovegood.





	nargles somewhere in the garden

-x-

It was four weeks after the end of the war when Narcissa stood in front of St. Mungo's after checking on her husband, who was working with Death-Eater Identification Services to identify Death-Eaters disguised as sick patients. He wasn’t coming home… he had already looked at houses on the coast, somewhere to go to. He wanted her to come with, get away from the manor and start a new life.

He wanted to leave Draco behind. Draco. Her only son.

He’s dating Harry Potter now, and whenever she looks at him, he’s the happiest he’s been since when she dropped him off at the Hogwarts Express on his first year. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself to take that away from him. A coastline view and a big house weren’t going to give him the happiness Harry Potter did, it wasn’t going to give her the happiness of finally seeing the twinkle in his grey-blue eyes.

So she’s staying. And she’ll send him letters. And he’ll be fine with that because this was his choice, and she's not going to obey and shut up anymore.

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, relishing in her moments of silence when she hears a light, soft voice. One that she’s heard before, in the dungeons of her own home. Her stomach churns and she wants to throw up on her shoes.

“Ms. Lovegood, visiting hours are over.”

“But that's my father! He’s remembering me again!”

Narcissa turns her head and sees the young girl, hands balled at her sides, and hair thrown up in a bun looking like it hasn’t been washed in weeks.

“Come by tomorrow morning, we’ll save you some pudding.”

“I don’t want pudding! I want to see my father!” She yells, her high voice oddly authoritative for being so high-pitched and soft. “Just let me-“

“Ms. Lovegood! Do not-“

Narcissa turns around and steps forward, placing her hands on Luna’s shoulder and giving the administrator a cold stare. “I’ve got her, it’s fine. Just go back inside.” She squeezes Luna’s shoulder and Luna hardens her gaze along with Narcissa.

“Yeah, go back inside.” Luna says voice wavering between authoritative and soft. The administrator looks between the both of them before she turns and goes back into the hospital, leaving the two girls to themselves.

Luna looks over her shoulder to Narcissa and smiles. “Thank you. She probably would’ve started yelling at me. I hate it when they do that.” Her voice goes back to its gentle tone and Narcissa feels her heart soften for the girl, knowing that her father doesn’t remember her.

“It’s no problem. I’m sorry about your father.”

Luna shrugs. “It’s okay, I guess. He just has some trouble remembering things…” She smiles, but behind it, Narcissa can see underlying sadness. She knows what its like to be alone.

“Where are you staying?”

“Hmm? Oh. Just around the corner at a hotel. It’s a bit dirty but, I can usually be the first person here in the morning.”

Narcissa frowns. “The Leaky Cauldron…” She’s stayed there herself in her teen years, and from personal experience, she knows the rodents that creep around the corners and the dust that falls from the ceiling every time a train passes.

“Yeah, that's what its called. It’s a bit cozy I think, the mice like it. I even named the ones in my room.” She says, innocently. Narcissa closes her eyes and inhales again, before opening them to Luna’s big eyes. Her blonde hair reminds her of Draco, how pure white it is. _Beautiful._

There are 6 rooms in her house, one for her, Draco’s old bedroom, Bellatrix’s room, the practice room, the library, and an empty guest room. With a queen-sized bed and plush pillows. The rooms decor is made of stuff the family doesn’t use, and all of the clothes that Draco has outgrown are hanging in the closet.

She always hoped she would be able to use them one day. She wanted another son.

“Why don’t you come to stay at my house?”

Fear flashes in Luna’s eyes and Narcissa places her hand on Luna’s arm gently, to assure her that she means no harm with her offer. She never wanted her house to be a place of torture, and she was so mad at Lucius and Bellatrix when she heard screams from the floor beneath her.

But who was she to say anything? They had a fragile relationship with the dark lord— she forgets she can say his name now— she was to obey, submit. If he told her to jump she was to ask how high. She was willing to do anything to protect her family. Protect Draco.

Narcissa smiles. “I have a cozy guest room, and I can make you some tea. You can stay with me until your father gets out of St. Mungos.”

Luna looks down at her yellow converse and at Narcissa’s black high heels, then back up to Narcissa. “I think I would like that.”

She wants to say _me too._ But she doesn’t want to come across at too strong. Another person in the house… it would be nice. These days the only sounds she hears is the echo of her own heels through the hallway. The meetings that Voldemort used to hold at her house were the only time when she felt in the company of others.

“Okay, well, do you want to go to The Leaky Cauldron and get your things?”

“No. All I have is my wand and these clothes. All of my other clothes are gone.” _Because the death eaters destroyed her house._

Narcissa's face cast down and an overwhelming sense of guilt swept through her, her heart aching for this girl. She would owl Draco later and ask about her. Or maybe Harry, Draco always overexaggerated a bit. “Then to my house.” She says and Luna nods, glancing over her shoulder to the hospital before they apparate with a discernible _Pop!_

-x-

“I don’t think I was ever able to tell you Ms. Malfoy, but you do have a lovely home.”

Narcissa grins as she takes off her dress robe, draping it over a tall armchair. “Thank you, Luna. Are you hungry?”

“A bit.” She responds with a bop of her head, lining her converse up perfectly by the door, displaying her multicolored, mismatched, ankle socks. Narcissa chuckles and leads her into the kitchen. There's no more house elf’s and lately, Narcissa has been appreciating it, she doesn’t need a house elf. Nobody does.

She flicks her wand to the stove and it warms, a fire flicking on. She sorts through their food choices, realizing that she doesn’t know how to cook much of anything before she calls to Luna. “Do you like oatmeal, dear?”

“Mmm. Yes, it does remind me of Hogwarts. They had the most amazing breakfast.”

Narcissa prepares the oatmeal while Luna talks about her Hogwarts days, Narcissa nodding her head and sharing about her own days at the school. They talk about the food, the dorms, Quidditch, and Professor McGonagall, which brings laughter out of both of them.

Narcissa casts a cooling charm so that the oatmeal isn’t too hot, something she used to do when Draco was a child and he would say _everything_ was too hot, just so he wouldn’t have to eat it. She slides the bowl of cinnamon and blueberry oatmeal to Luna and she grins, eagerly dipping her spoon into it and satisfaction crossing her face when she consumes it.

“This is the best oatmeal ever, Mrs. Malfoy.” Luna compliments and Narcissa slides into the barstool next to her, both of them eating on the marble island.

“I’m glad you like it. It makes the house smell lovely. I haven’t had oatmeal in years.”

“Neither have I it seems.” Luna comments, her face falling a bit. Narcissa is quick to put her hand over Luna’s and squeeze.

“Well, now you can have it whenever you like.” She says, reassuringly and Luna giggles before eating more. Talking about the clouds and the stars. Narcissa wonders how one can stay so innocent after everything she went through… and why Luna brings out the nurturing instincts in her that she only showed while Draco was sleeping.

When she would quietly sneak into his room when he was home for the summer holiday, and run her fingers through his soft hair, kissing his forehead and telling him how much she loves him. That he’s going to be safe. She’ll protect him.

Luna starts talking about faries, her eyes twinkling with wonder and innocence. It's a twinkle Narcissa hasn't seen in a long time. 

-x-

Rain pelts the windows and as thunder booms around them, Narcissa sits up abruptly, taking deep breaths. She’s still dazed, half-asleep, so she lays back down to turn to Lucius but when she extends her arm, there's nothing there.

A weight falls on her chest and she rolls out of bed, feet touching the cold wood of her bedroom floor. She adjusts her silk robe around her and opens her door, going to the kitchen to get water when she stops by Luna’s room. She presses an ear to the door, checking on her.

There's sniffling and quick breathing. She pulls back from the door then listens again. She knocks on the wood. “Luna? Are you alright?”

No answer.

She knocks again and Luna doesn’t respond. Worry rises in her throat and she puts a hand on the doorknob, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Luna, I’m going to come in, okay?” She pushes the door open and takes a sharp breath when she sees her. Luna’s sitting in the middle of the bed, knees drawn up to her chest and her head in-between them, crying. Her body is shaking and the covers of the bed are pushed back.

Narcissa stands in the doorway, softly calling her name, but gets no response. She moves to the side of the bed and places a hand on her back. “Luna, dear?”

Luna flinches and Narcissa takes her hand away, not wanting to scare her. Luna looks up at her with swollen red eyes and tear tracks going down her cheeks. “Tell them to stop. Please.”

“Tell who to stop?”

“The death-eaters. They’re fighting. I’m scared.”

Narcissa slowly sits down on the edge of the bed. “Nobody’s fighting, the war is over.”

“No! I hear them!” Thunder rolls again and Luna jumps. “They’re going to destroy the castle. I have to get home to my father.”

She spends several minutes trying to tell Luna that nobody is fighting when she gives up. She won’t be able to rope Luna out. She thinks of Draco, and how sometimes he just has to hold Harry when he’s having nightmares. _“He goes so deep, mum. It’s hard to get him out of that place. We’ve tried every sleeping draught… but it never works. When he has those nights, the only thing that helps is comforting him and talking to him._

So Narcissa makes sure Luna is watching her as she moves her arms around her. Luna tenses, then relax into Narcissa, moving her head to her shoulder continuing to cry, continuing to tell her to make it stop in a broken voice.

“It’s okay. It’s going to stop. Just listen to me okay? I’m here, and you’re safe, they’re not going to get you.” Narcissa says to her. Eventually, the thunder stops, and after that Luna stops crying. Her body is limp against Narcissa’s, but Narcissa doesn’t let go.

_“Mummy, I scared.”_

_“Why, sweetie? You’re safe here.” She says, crawling into bed beside Draco and stroking his hair._

_“It’s stormin’ and loud.” Draco says, latching onto his mother. “I can’t sleep.”_

_Narcissa kisses the top of her son’s head holding his little body against her. “I know it’s loud, baby. Mummy’s here though, and you’re safe. Do you want to know what’s cool about the lightning?”_

_Draco looks at her with wide eyes and she smiles. “Zeus shows us the lighting when he’s happy. And the thunder is when Merlin and all of his friends are having a party.”_

_“A party?”_

_“Yes! They’re just having fun. They don’t want to hurt you.”_

_Draco seems satisfied with this, resting his little head on Narcissa’s shoulder. She hugs him closely and they both look out of the window to the rain, watching as the clouds in the distance light up with strikes of lighting._

_“Why are they having a party?”_

_She kisses his head again and makes up stories about the God’s, why they throw parties, and how happy they are. She tells him stories until he falls asleep against her, and reaches to the stuffed dragon that’s fallen on the floor and tucks it against him before bringing the covers of his bed to his chin, kissing his head._

_“I love you.”_

She holds Luna until she falls asleep, rocking her gently and telling her about the Gods and Goddesses, and how when she wakes up in the morning she can have cinnamon and blueberry oatmeal.

-x-

Harry’s friends with Luna, but he told Narcissa that Ginny is her best friend. So she owls Ginny, but instead of Ginny responding, she shows up at her house in her Quidditch uniform, thirty minutes before her practice game.

“Ginny! You have a game! You didn’t have to come here…” Narcissa says, opening the door and allowing Ginny to walk in.

“I had to see her and talk to you. But see Luna first. Can I see her?” Ginny says quickly, words spilling out of her mouth uncontrollably. Narcissa closes the door. “O-Of course, she’s outside in the garden.” Narcissa says, showing Ginny to the back door.

Luna is sitting in the middle of the garden, a bunny nestled in her lap and a garden snake coiled around her arm. When she looks up and sees Ginny she waves eagerly. “Ginny! Look at this bunny!”

Narcissa nods to Ginny and leaves the two alone, stepping back into the kitchen. She flips on the sink running the water to appear as if she’s doing something, dishes she supposes. She heard that Muggles wash the dishes with their hands, it’s so absurd to her.

She looks through the kitchen window into the garden and watches as Ginny sits across from Luna, petting the bunny. Minutes pass and the two girls are still talking, then Ginny sits up on her knee’s and hugs Luna for a long time, the garden snake uncoiling and disappearing into the leaves of the garden.

Ginny lets go and kisses Luna on both cheeks making her laugh loudly, then resting their foreheads together and kissing her nose. Ginny hugs her again before standing up and making her way to the back door. Narcissa bustles with the dishes, trying to make herself appear busy, but Ginny would know that she doesn’t do dishes the muggle way, so it doesn’t matter.

Ginny steps inside and Narcissa glances at her, turning the sink off. “Is everything okay?”

Ginny nods and drums her finger on the marble island. “When her father came out of prison, the dementors took a lot from him. He didn’t know who Luna was, he’s convinced that she’s dead.” Ginny takes a deep breath. “She thinks that he’s remembering her slowly… but it’s going to take a lot more than just two weeks in the hospital for his memory to come back, for him to be a functional adult again.”

Narcissa turns around, resting her back on the counter and crossing her arms, listening.

“She stayed at my house for a bit and she had nightmares a lot. Anxiety attacks almost every day. She would just scream that the Death-Eaters were coming for her, or that they had her. It was terrible to watch. She wouldn’t go off of our property, shopping was out of the question.” Ginny’s voice cracks as she traces the marble with her finger. “I’m scared she’s not going to want to go back for her 7th year, and she used to look forward to it. To graduate, she’s so clever. “

Ginny looks past Narcissa to Luna, still in the garden distracted by the animals. “I don’t know how to help her…”

Narcissa sighs and moves forward to the island, resting her elbows on the cool countertop. “She had a nightmare last night, she was back at Hogwarts, the war was going on.”

“She’s had that one before.” Ginny says. “She told me that she hid in one of the bathrooms while there were Death-Eaters just outside. That’s what she goes back to.”

Narcissa hangs her head. “I-I just held her through it, she wouldn’t come out of it.”

Ginny shrugs. “That’s what I did too.”

“I know that you all don’t like me a lot but-“ Ginny cuts Narcissa off with a tight hug. She smells like grass and broom wax, like a Quidditch player. Narcissa hesitantly hugs Ginny back, then when she doesn’t pull away, she hugs her properly.

“Thank you for taking care of my Luna.” Ginny says. “Harry, and my family thanks you too. We were worried about her when she said that she was going to stay in the city by St. Mungo's, the Leaky Cauldron isn’t the best place to stay.”

Narcissa smiles and Ginny pulls back. “I like the company, and she’s a lovely person to have around,” Narcissa says. “Oh, and what’s her favorite color?”

“Yellow.”

She nods and notes it in her mind. “Do you need anything before you go?”

Ginny shakes her head. “Just if I show up pounding on your door demanding to see her, I’m sorry. I have a lot of dreams about her-“

“You don’t have to say it. You’re always welcome.”

Ginny apparates from the manor, 5 minutes before her practice begins and Narcissa writes a letter to Harry thanking him. And then to Draco, telling him that she loves him and not to drive Molly crazy, also reminding him to eat enough, drink water, and get sleep. Then she adds to Harry’s letter to make sure Draco is doing the above. Then she writes to Molly and thanks her for letting Draco stay with her, her family, and Harry, and she looks forward to seeing her and meeting her properly.

She sends the three letters off, tied to an owls leg and watches as it disappears behind the clouds.

“Mrs. Malfoy?”

Narcissa turns around to see Luna, her upper half wrapped in a grapevine, the leaves tickling her cheek. “Do you think you could help me get this off? My arms are bound and I can’t reach my wand.”

-x-

A week passes and the two girls trust each other more and more, Luna tells Narcissa stories about nargles and thestrals, how once she flew on one and it was amazing. Narcissa teaches her how to play piano and how to read music. They plant yellow flowers and go together every day to see how they’ve grown.

Draco comes over for dinner sometimes, and in the beginning, he was quite awkward, not knowing what to say to his school friend that he once bullied and talked about behind her back, but Luna doesn’t see it as bullying when he apologizes.

Instead, she smiles and touches his hand lightly, in her Luna Lovegood way, and says _“Oh, it was just good fun.”_

She still has nightmares, and Narcissa holds her through them just like she did the first time, waiting until she’s fully asleep before going back to her room. She’s not ready to go out of the house yet, and Molly has written to them saying that whenever Luna is ready, she’ll have them over for dinner.

They take walks in the garden together, and Luna has named all of the animals, leading Narcissa to the corner of the garden and showing her the burrow where the bunnies live. She has oatmeal every morning, and often Narcissa makes mac and cheese and chicken nuggets to share while listening to the wizarding radio channels.

One afternoon Narcissa comes home from the shops to get food as they were running out and goes out to the garden where Luna is laying in the grass, listening to muggle songs from the radio and drinking lemonade. Narcissa lays next to her and holds up a surprise for Luna above their heads.

Luna gasps and lunges for it, eyes wide and twinkling. “A fairy nargle! Thank you!” She runs her hands over the stuffed animal, curling its long tail around her finger before turning to Narcissa and giving her a long hug, knocking them over again. “I love it so much. Thank you Cissa.”

It’s the first time Luna uses her name.

-x-

Two days later, Luna says that she’s ready to go out.

Narcissa writes to Molly, and Molly writes back asking if they prefer soup or salad— Soup, of course. For the past two weeks, Luna has been wearing old clothes of Narcissa's, and some of Draco’s shirts. However, Narcissa offers to take Luna out to get some of her own clothes and Luna shakes her head rapidly, tears brimming her eyes.

“I can’t. I can’t. No! No! I’ll just wear one of Draco’s t-shirts. I don’t need my own clothes.”

“Luna, breathe. You don’t have to go. You don’t have to do anything, and if you want to wear Draco’s shirts you are more than welcome, but I thought you said you wanted to get some clothes for yourself.”

Luna takes a big breath. “I do. I just don’t want to leave… it’s scary.”

“That's okay, you don’t have to leave. Why don’t you stay here, and I can go get you some clothes that I think you will like? Is that okay?”

Luna fumbles with her hands, picking at her fingernails and Narcissa kneels in front of her, moving her fingers away to stop the picking. It’s a nervous habit she has, and Narcissa is scared that she’s going to pick her nails raw again.

Luna nods and Narcissa pats her knee. “Good. I’ll be back in less than an hour, and if you need anything you can owl Draco or use your coin, Hermione still has hers.” Narcissa says, referencing the Dumbledore’s Army coin that Luna keeps on her nightstand.

Luna nods again and Narcissa smiles. “You’re so brave, and I am really proud of you.”

  
She’s been to a muggle mall once in her life… now. And she holds her breath as she walks through the crowds of people and is thankful that she didn’t bring Luna, the poor girl would’ve fainted as soon as she saw how many cars were in the parking lot.

Also, the muggle money smells weird.

She goes into a store, Earthbound Trading Co. she thinks it is and is lost between the clothes and the jewelry. An employee comes up behind her and she almost takes out her wand and holds it to her throat, but she just sucks in a breath instead.

“Looking for anything in particular?” She asks, too bubbly for Narcissa. Luna was bubbly, but she was Luna.

“Just something for-“ she wants to say daughter but rethinks. “For a friend, she likes the color yellow.”

“Oh! Follow me.”

Narcissa leaves with two bags filled with yellow, tan, and white clothes and apparates when she’s behind a large truck, away from all of the people, back home, back to Luna. When she gets home Luna is still in the sitting room reading Anne of Green Gables. She looks up at Narcissa and smiles then her eyes widen when she sees all of the clothes.

“Oh, my! Are those all for me?”

Narcissa drops the bags on the armchair and grins. “They are. They’re from a muggle store… the clothes there reminded me of you. Why don’t you do a fashion show and I’ll fix us some tea.” Luna puts down the book, saving her spot, and comes over to Narcissa, hugging her.

“You didn’t have to… thank you so much.”

She wants to tell Luna how much she’s starting to care for her, that’s it’s scary. Narcissa never thought she would be able to have affection like this again. _I almost called you my daughter today. And you’ve only been staying with me for two weeks._

Narcissa fixes peppermint tea while Luna changes and she pours the tea into two mugs, setting them in the living room waiting for Luna to come downstairs.

“Close your eyes!”

“They’re closed!” Narcissa shouts, hearing creaking on the stairs.

“I feel a bit like a whimsical witch. This has got to be the best thing I’ve ever worn.”

Narcissa opens her eyes to Luna standing in her living room wearing tan paper bag pants and a white sweater tucked into her pants with yellow converse. She does a spin, arms wide at her side and laughs. “I feel like a model!”

It’s the first time Narcissa has seen her in something that fits. She’s a petite girl, so Narcissa’s clothes hung and Draco’s clothes swallowed her. “It looks great,” Narcissa says, unsure if Luna can hear her while she’s still spinning.

Luna finally stops when she falls over the velvet ottoman in a heap of giggles and happiness.

-x-

They emerge from the cornfield at the Weasley’s house, still holding hands, and Luna doesn’t let go. Narcissa looks over at her and sees Luna’s eyes wide and worried. Narcissa squeezes then runs her thumb over Luna’s knuckles.

“Hey,” Narcissa says, getting Luna’s attention. “You let me know if you need a break, and we can leave whenever you want. You are _so_ brave. And I am proud of you for doing this.”

Luna smiles wearily, facing the tall house again. “Thanks.”

They walk up to the door together and Narcissa knocks, feeling how Luna’s hands are shaking. She gives Luna’s hand one last reassuring squeeze before the door opens, Molly grinning at them both. “Welcome! Welcome! Come in, oh Luna dear, it’s so good to see you!”

“Good to see you too, Mrs. Weasley,” Luna says as she’s being swallowed in a hug. Molly lets her go then turns to Narcissa giving her a long hug, and Narcissa looks over her shoulder watching Luna to make sure that she’s alright greeting the others.

She’s comfortable with Ginny, hugging her unlike everybody else. Molly wraps her hands around Narcissa’s forearms taking her attention off of Luna. She doesn’t speak, but she grins, and it warms her more than words ever could.

Narcissa moves into the living room where her son is standing. “Mum.” He says and she throws herself on him, clutching him. _My baby._  He hugs her back and she winks at Harry standing behind him. Narcissa runs her hands over his face and tugs on his shirt to straighten the wrinkles that she’s caused.

“You doing okay?”

“Yeah, mum. I’m perfect.”

Narcissa goes into the kitchen with Molly, drinking tea at the table and talking while Luna stays in the living room with Hermione, Ron, Draco, and Harry. She doesn’t know what they’re doing, but every minute or so she hears Luna laugh which wavers off her own anxiety.

They’re talking about making plans for a holiday before school begins when Ginny steps into the kitchen, worry covering her face.

“Ginny, dear, what’s wrong?” Molly says.

“It’s Luna. I took her to my room because she started to get really antsy and had a vice grip on my hand…” Narcissa doesn’t need to hear anything else before she stands and asks which room is Ginny’s. She turns and bolts up the stairs, holding her skirt so she doesn’t trip, frantically searching for the door with a Gryffindor flag hanging on it.

“Mum!” Narcissa turns around and sees Draco behind her, out of breath from climbing the stairs so quickly. “Do you need help?”

“No, no. I got it. Go back downstairs, dear. I’ll be there soon.”

“Mum-“

Narcissa runs up another flight of stairs, not meaning to ignore her son, but the blood rushing in her head is so loud she can’t hear. “Mum!”

“Draco!” She draws in a long breath looking over the railing to the floor beneath her. “She needs me. We’ve done this before.” She doesn’t wait for a response before rushing into Ginny’s room seeing Luna sitting on the edge of Ginny’s bed, gripping the covers tight between her palms.

“Luna, sweetie,” Narcissa says, closing the door and moving to kneel in front of her. She gently places her hands on Luna’s pulling the covers away from her palms, and taking her hands in her own. “Breathe with me, do you remember how we did it? Breathe in for 7 counts and out for 10 counts.”

Luna won’t look at her. “Luna, what are you thinking?” She asks as softly as she can although her heartbeat is so fast she can barely breathe. She reaches both of her hands up to Luna’s face, cupping her cheeks. Luna blinks rapidly before she looks at Narcissa, her lips wobbling.

“I’m scared.”

“Why are you scared?”

“I don’t know.” She cries leaning forward and putting her head in her hands. “I keep thinking about Hogwarts and my dad. Bill’s wedding when we were all together and _happy._  I miss it so much. I just want to go back, I want my dad!”

“I know-“

“I want my dad! And my fairy nargle. And I want to lay down in the garden with you and have oatmeal.” Luna says rapidly, working herself up again. Narcissa knows whats happening, she’s read about it in mind healer books, back when she was researching ways to help Draco through the after-war effects.

She chose that it would be in Draco’s best interest to take time for him to heal and that he can do whatever he wants as long as it wasn’t harmful to herself. He’s a young man after all, and she’ll support him in whichever way he wants to handle the pain.

But she read about regression, and how sometimes people go back to a simpler time, when they’re younger before the experience happened. And as she watches Luna, pleading for her dad and her fairy nargle, it all clicks.

This is how she deals with the pain.

Narcissa stands to sit down next to Luna and wraps her arms around her, pulling her close. “Shhh, shhh. And we can do that when we get home, we’ll get your fairy nargle and make oatmeal, and we can lay in the garden with all of the animals until you’re tired and ready for bed.”

Luna sniffles and leans further into Narcissa, using her as an anchor. “Do you want to go home, Luna?”

She shakes her head and wipes her eyes. “I want to stay for pudding.”

Narcissa laughs and kisses the top of her head, leaving her nose in Luna’s light-blonde hair. “We can stay for pudding.” They sit in silence for a couple minutes, hugging each other and waiting until Luna has calmed down.

“Are you ready to go back out?”

“Yes. I’m okay now.”

“Good.”

-x-

Sometimes, a mention of Hogwarts on the radio is all Luna needs to go into a panic. Narcissa will run upstairs and get her fairy nargle, then give it to Luna and stroke her hair until she’s able to calm down. But as the days go on, the attacks get less and less.

She even goes to the store with Narcissa and gets a bushel of strawberries that she indulges in when they get home, dipping them into chocolate, a look of pure bliss crossing her face. Ginny comes over sometimes, and Narcissa will see them cuddling on the couch or sharing sweet kisses. She’s glad Luna’s found somebody to love.

On the 15th of July, an owl comes to the manor as Narcissa is looking through her finances, budgeting and preparing to contact a realtor, dropping off a fancy envelope closed with a Hogwarts emblem. She holds the letter in her hands for a while, then places it in front of her, waiting for Luna to come home from her date with Ginny.

She writes to several realtors, but she can’t remember what she’s saying, her eyes keep traveling to the envelope. She’s scared of how she will react, worried that this is going to break her. And a part of her is also selfish, wanting to keep Luna with her always.

There's no telling what will happen at Hogwarts. Who’s going to hold her when she has nightmares? Who’s going to get her her fairy nargle? Narcissa sighs and holds her head in her hands, closing her eyes. She can’t think of it right now.

  
She gives Luna the letter the next morning while she’s eating strawberries and oatmeal and she tenses up, ready to run and get her nargle or hug her. But Luna puts down her spoon, picking up the letter and slipping her finger under the flap, opening it.

Slowly, she takes out the letter, eyes running over the words before looking back at Narcissa. “Can I have some time to think about it?”

“Of course.”

-x-

On the 17th of July Ginny comes over again and privately asks Narcissa what Luna thought of the letter. “I know I should convince her… but I’m scared.”

“You know, my mom had to convince Hermione. _Hermione._  She’s scared to go back.”

“C-Could I talk to your mom? Can you stay with Luna?”

“Sure. I’ll distract her.” Ginny winks, getting Luna’s attention with talking about Quidditch as Narcissa sneaks out the door, apparating far enough away so that Luna doesn’t hear the _Pop!_

When Narcissa arrives at the Burrow, Ron is swinging gnomes around his head, Harry kneeling in the dirt replanting crops, Hermione is arguing with the gnomes politely asking them to stop biting Draco. She laughs to herself and walks towards the house without being noticed and knocks on the door.

At least this will give her some time to be alone with Molly.

Narcissa knocks on the door and when Molly opens and sees Narcissa’s pale face she brings her inside, pointing her wand at the stove and making tea without a moment between the two actions. “What’s going on?”

“The letters,” Narcissa says shakily and Molly sits down across from her.

“Yes, we got ours too. It was the longest all of them have been quiet.”

“Ginny told me that you had to talk to Hermione, and tell her that Hogwarts was safe now.”

Molly nods and folds her hands together. “Is Luna scared?”

“I’m not sure… she won’t talk about it. She said to give her time, but I’m just worried.”

“About what?”

“That she won’t want to go…”

Molly smirks, propping her chin up on one hand. “I don’t think that’s it.”

“Moll-“

“You know, when Ginny was going to Hogwarts for the first time I voided buying her school supplies for the last minute. I didn’t want to believe that my last baby was going to Hogwarts.”

Narcissa takes in a deep breath, picking at her pink nail polish— Luna painted them. “That’s part of the reason… I don’t know how she’s going to do at Hogwarts, well she’ll do great she’s so clever, but who’s going to-“

“Ginny. Hermione. Harry. Ron. Draco. They love her and she’s their friend… they wouldn’t let her go through things alone.”

Tears form in Narcissa’s eyes as she takes a shaky breath. “I love her so much. As much as I love my son, and it scares me.”

“I know it’s scary. When Harry came into my son’s life I took him under my wing so quickly, I scared myself… especially since that boy always found himself in a bout of danger.” They both laugh, Narcissa wiping at the tears that escape her eyes. “But I accepted it, and I did the best I could being his mother. I love him more than words explain, like my own children. And I will _always_ see him as my son.”

Narcissa nods and Molly pours them both a cup of tea. “What should I say to her to tell her that I support her in going? That I _think_  she should go.”

“Tell her what I told you, that she has amazing friends that are going with her, and you’re never more than an owl away.”

Narcissa looks past Molly, through the window where she sees Ron throwing gnomes in Draco’s direction, Draco shouting at him and using Hermione as a shield. “I hope everything goes alright at school.”

“Me too.”

-x-

“I think you should go to Hogwarts,” Narcissa says one afternoon while they’re walking through the garden.

“You do?”

“Of course.”

Luna looks up at the sunshine, the warmth dancing over her soft skin. “I don’t want to leave…”

“I know you don’t… but you are always welcome back, during Christmas, Easter, and Summer. I will always be here. And you can owl me whenever you want and I will answer. I can even go into Hogsmeade on the weekends that you go and we can have lunch.”

Luna starts crying and Narcissa goes into her motherly instincts, pulling her close and apologizing. _You're so stupid_! Throwing Luna into all of this, _you're so inconsiderate of her feelings_. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you don’t have to go to Hogwarts if you don’t want to. I can talk to Professor McGonagall and see if a tutor can come-“

“Cissa, stop.” Luna starts to laugh, pulling back and Narcissa begins to wipe her eyes. “I want to go.”

“Really?’

“I just didn’t want to leave you…”

The final string is broken and Narcissa starts crying in front of Luna, hugging her tightly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“I love you. I love you. I love you. And I think of you as a daughter and I want you to stay with me for as long as you want. I’ve been looking at houses with 3 bedrooms, one for me, you, and Draco. I want to take care of you.”

Luna hugs her tighter, crying into her shoulder. She was never old enough to remember her mother.

She is now.

-x-

Narcissa buys a house on a vast field.

It’s small and old, but it’s not black or haunting. There’s no dungeon beneath her feet. No pictures of her husband's ancestors frowning down on her for taking in Luna, or not continuing to work to bring back Voldemort.

Luna plants flowers and fruits, and names all the new animals that come across. Narcissa watches her on the porch while she reads, humming to herself while watering the Strawberry bushes.

It’s everything she’s wanted.

-x-

_Lucius,_

_I bought a new house for me and Luna Lovegoodwith an extra bedroom for Draco… if he ever comes back from the beach with Harry. It’s nice here, and Luna likes it a lot. I want you to know that Luna is going to stay with me and that I love her like a daughter.The manor is still in your families name._

_The future is uncertain for her father, and nobody knows if he will remember her. But I think that I want to adopt her._

_I know you’re probably eating fruit or something in your big house on the coast, scoffing because she’s only been living with me for a month and a half, but I don’t care. She’s my Luna. Draco loves her too, he hexed a person who called her odd. I need her. And I’m glad I didn’t come with you. Because I wouldn’t have met Luna. I wouldn’t have met my daughter._

_I’ll write to you in a couple months, you should write to Draco before he goes back to Hogwarts. And congratulate him on his relationship with Harry, because you haven’t done that. Be supportive. Be a father._

_Goodbye Lucius._

-x-

“Cissa?”

Narcissa stirs and sits up, blinking back bleary vision focusing on the small figure standing in her doorway. “Luna?”

“I’m scared.”

“Why are you scared, love?”

“Because you can’t come to Hogwarts with me.”

Narcissa smiles and lifts the covers, Luna sliding in next to her. She turns to Luna and runs a hand through her hair. “You don’t have to be scared, Luna. I’ll always be here waiting for you to come home.”

“Do you think my dad will get better?”

Narcissa holds her breath. Luna’s visited a bit, but each time is the same, leaving her sad because her dad thinks that she’s one of the nurses. _Her dad thinks she’s dead._

“Maybe one day.”

“Can you go to the hospital later tomorrow and tell him that I’m at Hogwarts?”

“Of course.”

“I’m tired, but I don’t want the morning to come and then have to leave you.”

“Me neither.”

Luna’s asleep in fifteen minutes and Narcissa strokes her cheek while tears drip off her nose onto her bedsheets. She wants her to go far. Farther than she’s ever gone in her dreams or on the wings of a thestral. She wants Luna to have everything.

_“I love you.”_

-x-

They run through platform 9 3/4 together, Narcissa’s hand over Luna’s. Draco, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, and Mrs. Weasley are waiting for them on the other side, loading their suitcases onto the train. Hermione lights up when she sees Luna, waving them over.

Ginny kisses Luna’s cheek, pressing her nose to Luna’s face making her giggle. Molly winks at Narcissa and she smiles, biting the inside of her cheek trying not to cry. Draco moves besides his mother, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“Sending your first born off to Hogwarts?”

She hits him playfully on the chest. “I don’t want you two to go. I would prefer you come back to my house and we all sit under warm blankets and tell stories… but I can’t hold you back.” She has to crane her neck to look at her son now. _“Not anymore.”_

Draco hugs his mom tightly, whispering “Thank you.” into her ear. She presses her nose to his shirt, and then his hair, smelling lemons. She pulls back, looking into his grey-blue eyes.

“You write to me. I want to hear from you.”

“I will. I promise.”

The train whistle blows and smoke billows into the air. Children start rushing onto the train, parents saying their final goodbyes. Mrs. Weasley kisses her children on the head and Luna’s big eyes meet Narcissa’s and she takes a deep breath. This was the moment she’s been dreading.

She runs her hands through Luna’s hair one last time, her silky-soft blonde hair parting through her fingers with ease. “You’ve packed everything?”

Luna nods, biting her trembling lip.

“I’m so proud of you,” Narcissa says, stroking her cheek with her thumb. “And you’re going to do great.”

“I’m going to miss you really bad,” Luna says in a tiny voice, breaking Narcissa. She embraces the young girl, her heart aching, wanting to take her back home. Maybe they can see a muggle movie, it’s something Narcissa’s always wanted to try.

She can’t. This is what mothers have to do.

“I’m going to miss you more, my Luna.”

The train whistle blows again as the clock hits 11:59 and the two take a large breath, preparing themselves. Narcissa stands up straight, wiping her tears off her face. “I believe in you.”

“I love you, Cissa.”

“I love you more.” She says, kissing her between her pale eyebrows.

Luna steps back as the conductor calls for the leaving of the train. With every blink, Luna’s further away, and in seconds she’s on the train, looking back at Narcissa with a delicate smile.

_“Why don’t you come to stay at my house?”_

_“I have a cozy guest room, and I can make you some tea. You can stay with me until your father gets out of St. Mungos.”_

_“I think I would like that.”_

Luna disappears behind the wall of the train, following her friends into the hallway to find an empty cabin. Narcissa doesn’t bother to wipe the tears, and neither does Molly. They hold hands as the train starts to chug, moving forward out of the station until all they can see in the distance is a red blur getting smaller and smaller every second.

The smoke clears from the station along with all of the parents, and Mrs. Malfoy and Mrs. Weasley sit on a King’s Cross Bench, watching the people go to their platforms. They’re going to be okay.

And although Narcissa’s house is vacant, quiet except for the crackle of a fire and the patter of her own bare feet along the old wood floors, she doesn’t feel alone.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i know they don't all go for their 8th year. but they do in this series, and its a happy wholesome time okay? deal with it. we needed a narcissa redemption arc, because she's a bitch but she'll do anything for the people she loves.
> 
> thank you for reading this and i would appriciate a kudos or a comment, let me know what you think! i'm thinking of writing a hogwarts 8th year story...
> 
> follow me on tumblr


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